★ it costs too much to love ★ (unactivist) wrote in un_gracious,
★ it costs too much to love ★

Pursuit of Happiness

dongwoon/doojoon  ;  nc17 sex/language  ;  dystopia!fic  ;  hints of random pairings
(all men are created equal; this dongwoon has known to be untrue for a while now)
for achromaticscale ilu bb and i want you to write fic goddammit.

Pursuit of Happiness


He is born a normal boy with ten fingers and two eyes and one set of lips. (Later, they’ll say there was something about the way he cried that hinted idiosyncrasies. And, that nose, they’ll say, that nose was simply too perfect.)

His mother looks down at him, nothing but adoration in her eyes, and names him ‘Dongwoon’. “After his grandfather,” she says and they find her smile disturbingly kind.

They take him away the same day and his mother cries for days, cries so much that she eventually forgets all about him.

(Or, so they’ll say.)


As he’s growing up, they keep him under close surveillance, saying they can hardly afford to let him escape (not that he would ever think of doing such a thing in the first place). They give him the best clothes, the best food, the best training; all the while making sure he grows up perfect.

In a world full of deformities, Dongwoon is special. He has no shortcomings and this makes them nervous. So, when he comes of age, they put him where they keep the rest of the misfits; in a closed of apartment at the edge of a busy city.

The five boys he meets there call themselves ‘beasts’.

“Because we’re, like, totally hardcore,” a boy named Junhyung leers at him, promptly getting elbowed away by a silent and beautiful Hyungseung who Dongwoon decides he likes best simply based on those two facts.


Doojoon glares at him at first, finding the difference between their heights displeasingly little, but warms up once Dongwoon trips over nothing in particular.

“I’m the leader,” Doojoon says, “I keep these freaks in line.”

His smile is warm and affectionate as he watches Yoseob lick a traumatized Kikwang’s cheek.

“They’re all very… special,” Dongwoon comments, cringing slightly.

“That is why they’re here, isn’t it?” Doojoon says and Dongwoon looks away.


He switches favorites the next day, finding Kikwang’s constant fail quite endearing. Plus, clinging all over the adorable man isn’t even seen as weird, because everyone else is doing it too.

Being a kind soul, he doesn’t join in on the frequent pranks the other guys pull on Kikwang, although he does find it a little difficult to hide his smile as the boy whines like a teenage girl.

One day, Yoseob convinces Kikwang that right outside their door is the ocean, and Dongwoon almost laughs except Kikwang is curling his feet under his ass and clutching Doojoon’s shirt.

“What are you, stupid?” Doojoon says, jerking away from Kikwang’s fingers and sitting next to Dongwoon, who tenses just a little in reflex.

“What? Oh, you little shit, you were lying?” Kikwang says, mouth open like all of the world’s disappointments couldn’t compare to the one he’s feeling.

Yoseob merely chuckles and Dongwoon finds the glint in the boy’s eyes exceptionally frightening.


If he had to pick a second favorite, Yoseob would be it. He says he’s here because they couldn’t handle how cute his face was. And, as he says this, he scowls in disgust. “What the fuck about me is even remotely cute?” he asks Dongwoon, who cracks under the pressure and stutters ‘nothing, nothing’ like his life depends on it (which it might just if Yoseob’s glare is any indication).

But, apart from being on and off evil, Yoseob is secretly the nicest one here.

So, he doesn’t mind when Yoseob links their fingers together like something natural, doesn’t even mind when Yoseob pulls him into a hug that last longer than necessary (and just long enough for Doojoon to scowl).


Of course, there are times he really questions why he’s an apartment with these five boys. Kikwang says it’s because they’re all aliens. “We would eat the humans if they let us out,” he says, eyes so serious that Dongwoon has to pretend he understands. (Yoseob snickers behind Doojoon.)

Hyungseung smiles sadly and says, “It’s because we’re not normal, Dongwoon. If we were, we’d be out there just like the rest of them.”

“What’s abnormal about us?”

“We’re different and we’re not supposed to be,” Doojoon answers.

“What’s so different about us?” Dongwoon wonders out loud. They snort and he can sense bitterness in their smiles.

“Everything. A long time ago, there was a revolution and it was sort of bullies against victims. Everything changed, Dongwoon, and the people rejoiced because it felt like we had finally overcome discrimination. But, then, these radical leaders started this secret study in which they manipulated human cells into whatever they wanted. After a few years, they discovered a way to alter human thought. They mass produced these tiny pills and sold them off as vaccines.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Dongwoon says, frowning deeply because he remembers them saying otherwise.

Doojoon smirks. “They had doctors in on the plan and it wasn’t hard to convince the people, really.”

“So, what? Everyone thought the same?”

“No, the pill just messed with the neurotransmitters in our brain and slowed some down, sped some up until the human race was lulled into complacency.”

“But what about those who didn’t take it?”

“Everyone did take it, though. You have no idea how many people were involved in this. And, then, these crazy guys took over the world powers and having been basically ruling the planet since.”

“So, why are we here?”

“The scientists discovered a while ago that the pill just doesn’t work on some people. It’s like a DNA thing that makes us immune to the effects. So, they ship the resisters out to these cabins as soon as they’re old enough to make noise.”

“How come I only got here now?”

“I don’t know. We’ve all been here since we were babies.”

Dongwoon slumps back into the sofa and doesn’t speak for a good five minutes. When he opens his mouth though, he finds himself alone and with a million questions.


Every week, they come in for surveillance with masked faces and dusty clipboards. And one day, Dongwoon asks one of them if what he heard was true, if they’re really going to keep him here forever.

“Of course,” the man says, crisp voice laced with irritation, “Or would you rather they kill you?”

Dongwoon learns to ask fewer questions.


He feels very much at home when Kikwang comes to him with pleading eyes and pieces of his heart. He curls up next to Dongwoon, shoving the boy over to Doojoon’s bunk, and lays down face up.

He lets out a longsuffering sigh, and says, “Dongwoon, I want to see what it’s like out there.”

“From what they let me see when I was in their headquarters, it’s nothing special. A bunch of tall buildings, people walking too fast, too much talking, and man, the lights. So fucking bright.”

Kikwang breathes out unevenly next to him, as though thrilled by what Dongwoon finds irritating, and says, “I wish I could see those lights just once.”

Dongwoon blames it on how late it is and how tired he has become after a long day of cleaning the apartment when he opens his mouth to say, “We’ll go once, then.”

Kikwang is immediately all smiles and no uncertainties, nails digging into Dongwoon’s arm in a sort of desperation. “Really?”

“Of course,” Dongwoon says with a smile, wishing promises like these didn’t come so easy to him.


Dongwoon isn’t sure when he came to feel this way, but he sort of comes to love them like the family he never had. But, he’s certain what he feels for Doojoon is not how you’re supposed to feel about family. He finds himself following the leader’s movements like an addict and when Doojoon catches him watching, he doesn’t look away. He stares and Doojoon turns white before turning red.


Sometimes, when the watchers are feeling especially kind, they get to have alcohol and after just one bottle, it is forever established that Dongwoon should never ever even sniff beer much less taste it. He giggles into Yoseob’s shoulder, makes a face when something dry rubs against his tongue, realizes he’s licking Yoseob’s shirt, and collapses into even more giggles.

“Come on, dumbbell, let’s get you to bed.”

Doojoon’s voice pierces through his ears and he cringes.

“Stop yelling.”

“I’m not,” Doojoon mumbles, but drops his voice anyway, “Come on, get up.”

Dongwoon can’t quite feel if he still has bones or not and he kind of eases into Doojoon’s warmth as he’s hauled upwards. He presses a sweaty cheek into Doojoon’s neck and almost tears Doojoon’s shirt as he grips it.

“Doojoon,” he slurs, “You. I. Oh no, I just.”

“Eloquent, sweetheart. Now, come on, don’t make me carry you, idiot.”

“It hurts.”

“What does?” Doojoon asks and Dongwoon feels warm hands pat his sides and stomach.

“My head.”

“No shit,” Doojoon grumbles but Dongwoon can feel his sigh of relief blow against his hair.

“Hey, hey, Doojoon. Hey, man, listen.”


“No, no, listen to me, okay? I’m gonna tell you a joke, okay? Listen.”

“For fuck’s sake, Dongwoon, spit it out.”

Dongwoon giggles, his legs giving out a little, “I love you.”

His world tilts for a second and he panics before realizing that Doojoon is simply placing him on his bunk. Doojoon’s smile makes it clear that he doesn’t get the joke and probably thinks Dongwoon was dropped at birth.

“That’s real funny, Dongwoon. Now sleep.”

“No, listen. I told you to listen, didn’t I? Here’s the joke, Doojoon: I love you.”

Doojoon’s smile stretches wider before disappearing altogether.

“You’re drunk.”



Doojoon flicks off the light and leaves before Dongwoon can even get to the real punch line. So, he decides to share with the stuffed animals lined up next to him.

“The kicker is that there is no joke at all,” he whispers, “That’s what’s so funny. Get it?”

He falls asleep smiling.  


After long months spent watching the allowed TV channels and reading the four books available, Dongwoon begins to feel really, really bored.

Kikwang smiles at this, soft hand tucking Dongwoon’s hair behind his ear, and says, “Let’s play a board game.”

Dongwoon groans but allows himself be tugged to the floor. Kikwang opens up the Scrabble set and grins wide as he sets it up. He yells into the kitchen for Yoseob to bring some food and join them. After a while, all six of them are playing, split into three teams.

Doojoon yanks Dongwoon next to him before Kikwang can utter a word and he smirks knowingly (which is a first as far as Dongwoon has seen). He scoots over to Hyungseung and that leaves Yoseob and Junhyung, who stare at each other before grinning.

“Okay, let’s play,” Kikwang states but Dongwoon can barely hear over the roar of his pulse as Doojoon leans back, his arm so close to Dongwoon’s back that it’s supporting it. Dongwoon doesn’t dare move but he also doesn’t dare enjoy it. He can’t, he shouldn’t, he won’t. Doojoon crosses his legs and his knee ends up on Dongwoon’s thigh. He doesn’t move away so Dongwoon doesn’t either. But, a tiny voice in his head says he should.


“We make a good team, don’t you think?”

Dongwoon chokes on water and swings around to find Doojoon leaning almost casually against the counter next to the fridge. Dongwoon is momentarily startled and thinks he should have noticed Doojoon on his way in even if he is half asleep.

“What?” he croaks, eyes heavy with exhaustion, and Doojoon smiles.

“We,” he makes a circle in the air between them, “Make,” he clasps his hands together, “A Good,” he sticks his thumb up, “Team,” he winks.

“Yeah,” Dongwoon says, giggling nervously, and then blanches when Doojoon straightens up, very much inside Dongwoon’s personal space. He doesn’t blink for what seems like an eternity and then Doojoon kisses him.

It’s soft and hesitant like Doojoon is scared but trying very hard to not be and Dongwoon reciprocates with as much confidence as he can muster. Doojoon groans and clutches Dongwoon, pinning him against the fridge in one swift movement, and suddenly, there is nothing soft about the kiss. Dongwoon is still for half a second before he slips his fingers under Doojoon’s shirt, urgently spreading his palms until they align parallel to Doojoon’s spine.

Doojoon sticks his knee in between Dongwoon’s legs so they can be even closer and slips his tongue in when Dongwoon gasps. Doojoon tastes unlike anything Dongwoon has been imagining: he tastes like cities. Like a million people and coffee shops and streetlights and snow. He tastes amazing and Dongwoon can’t get enough.

“Fuck,” Doojoon moans into Dongwoon’s neck, breaking the kiss. Dongwoon begins to protest but then Doojoon licks under his jaw, grazes his teeth lower, and sucks until the skin bruises.

“Oh,” Dongwoon sighs, throwing his head back against the fridge to give Doojoon better access. He grips Doojoon’s shoulders for support and everything blurs when Doojoon turns them around so that Dongwoon’s back is digging into the island counter. Doojoon clutches his hips and pushes up. Dongwoon gets the message and props himself up on the counter.

“I love you too,” Doojoon says, slithering his tongue lower until he’s at the top button of Dongwoon’s shirt.

Dongwoon grins, the memory of that drunken night flashing at him for a brief second, and crosses his ankles behind Doojoon’s legs, nudging him closer. Doojoon kisses his grin and chuckles.

Doojoon then begins to work with efficiency, removing Dongwoon’s shirt and jeans like he’s been practicing this and kicking his own jeans off in two seconds flat. He takes off his shirt and his hair is now adorably mussed. Dongwoon runs a hand through before yanking it to bring him close.

They moan into the kiss, only things really in their way being their boxers, and Doojoon gets to work on them promptly. He drags down Dongwoon’s boxer extra slow, his fingerprints all over the skin they’re baring, and he places tiny kisses along the way. Then, he straightens up and grins impossibly wide before nipping harmlessly at Dongwoon’s lips.

“Don’t freak out,” he whispers into Dongwoon’s ear, “But, I’ve done this before.”

Dongwoon tries really, really hard not to freak out but his nails dig into Doojoon’s arm reflexively. Doojoon laughs softly and cradles Dongwoon’s head in his hands.

“I said don’t freak out. It didn’t mean anything.”

“Was it with someone I know?”

Doojoon’s eyes glow at the obvious jealousy in Dongwoon’s voice but his voice is still barely above a whisper when he says, “No. It was a long time ago. Let’s talk about that later, okay?” He grins before sucking on his own fingers.

Dongwoon frowns but is quickly distracted when Doojoon slides him forward until he can slip cold fingers underneath him. He doesn’t warn before poking a slicked up finger into Dongwoon’s hole and a second finger is followed by a third as he stretches the muscles. He soothes Dongwoon’s little cries of discomfort by stroking Dongwoon’s cock.

He feels like a needy mess, his hands moist and slipping down to Doojoon’s waist.

“Hush, babe,” Doojoon says, kissing Dongwoon lazily, and he steadies Dongwoon from behind the knees before slipping into him. He doesn’t move and pants into Dongwoon’s neck, obviously waiting for him to adjust.

Dongwoon grows impatient and rocks his hips against Doojoon until he groans and begins to move torturously slow. Dongwoon expresses his disapproval by biting down on his shoulder and his voice sounds terribly broken when he whispers, “Fuck me.”

Doojoon grunts his agreement and thrusts in faster, holding up Dongwoon’s thigh with one hand and supporting himself by placing the other hand on the counter. Dongwoon groans as pain mixes with pleasure and he barely keep his voice down as Doojoon moves faster, faster, faster, and not nearly fast enough.

“Doojoon, oh fuck,” Dongwoon groans, biting his lips to keep from screaming, and he can practically feel Doojoon’s grin against his skin.

“Come on,” Doojoon prompts, stroking Dongwoon in rhythm with his thrusts, “Come for me.”

It’s almost too much stimulation and Dongwoon would have screeched if Doojoon’s hand wasn’t suddenly on his mouth. Doojoon shudders and freezes, cursing into Dongwoon’s mouth, and rides out his orgasm. Dongwoon comes quickly after, spilling hot and wet on Doojoon’s stomach. They lean against each other, catching their breath and kissing whatever skin happens to be in front of them.

Dongwoon laughs tiredly and Doojoon slips out of him, steadying him when he slides off the counter.

“Oh, man, I can’t move,” Dongwoon whispers, giggling, and Doojoon rolls his eyes affectionately.

“I’ll carry you then,” he says, leering like a freak and wiggling his eyebrows. Dongwoon shoves at his shoulder gently but doesn’t protest when Doojoon gives him a piggyback ride to their bedroom after cleaning up.


If any of the guys have noticed that Dongwoon and Doojoon are fucking, they don’t show it. Everything is as normal as can be in a secluded apartment. It’s so normal that Dongwoon almost forgets what Doojoon said that night about having done it before.

He tries for casual and ends up a nervous wreck, words spilling out of his mouth like a disease, “So, who was it?”

Doojoon takes Dongwoon’s hands and pulls until they’re curled against each other on Doojoon’s bunk. He traces idly up Dongwoon’s arm and his voice is wistful when he begins, “A few years ago, I think when I was fourteen or fifteen, I got really, really sick of this apartment. I had managed to hack into the computer and I saw pictures of all these things I didn’t have names for. I was young and stupid and cocky. I created this elaborately ridiculous plan to escape. I got Junhyung in on it and he created a diversion during the weekly checks. I ran like I was being chased, Dongwoon, straight into the city, and ended up at some bar. I knew enough to act like I was under the pill’s spell but this one guy saw right through me.

He took me to an alley and promised me all these great, wonderful things. He said he would save me, protect me, make sure my friends got out too, but- I was so, so stupid and it felt like love at first sight.”

Dongwoon catches Doojoon’s hand, “You weren’t stupid.”

Doojoon smiles and kisses the top of his head.

“They caught me eventually,” he continues, “I didn’t get into much trouble. I mean, for all the shit they put us through, they aren’t hardcore dictators or anything. They feed us, keep us safe, and deep down inside, I think they love us. We’re like fragments of something they used to believe in.”

“I don’t want to stay here forever, Doojoon.”

“Me neither.”


One day, Doojoon tugs Dongwoon into a corner and whispers desperately, “I found a way to leave, Dongwoon.”

Dongwoon blinks and then frowns.

“Just us?”

Doojoon falters but barely shows it, keeps on grinning as he says, “Yes. So, let’s go. I sneak away once or twice a year. But, this is different, Dongwoon. This is permanent. We wouldn’t have to come back.”

“How can we leave them behind?”

“We’ll get them out too, okay? Just, right now, we have to go before it’s too late.”

Dongwoon glances at the kitchen where Hyungseung is being reduced to a giggling mess as Kikwang calls out Yoseob out on another lie. He feels warm and very, very cold all at the same time.

“Fine, but you have to promise we’ll-”

“Yeah, yeah, of course. Now, come on.”

“Shouldn’t we say goodbye?”

Doojoon smirks. “No point in saying goodbye when you’re gonna say hello in the future anyway.”

He winks and presses his lips against Dongwoon’s quickly before hurrying away into the bedroom. Dongwoon watches the guys again and thinks that there should always be goodbyes just in case.


They leave when everyone is sleeping and the clock is blinking ‘1:53’. Doojoon takes Dongwoon’s hand and presses his ear against the front door. He waits, still and tense, and then ushers Dongwoon to stand back. Someone slowly turns the knob and they slip outside before the alarms go off.

Dongwoon runs blindly, keeping his eyes fixed on Doojoon’s back, and doesn’t notice they’re barefoot and freezing cold until they stop.

The stranger keeps a lookout at the edge of the alley and when he flashes them a thumbs up, they let out a collective sigh of relief.

“I’m Wooyoung,” he says after they’ve caught their breaths, “I’m guessing you’re Dongwoon.”

Dongwoon nods, leaning against Doojoon even though the guy seems harmless enough.

“Great, so, the plane leaves in thirty minutes. Good luck,” he says, smiling as he hands Doojoon tickets. He waves and doesn’t wait for them to wave back before disappearing into the city.


Doojoon looks a little bit guilty.

“Well, it’s temporary. We’ll come back, I swear, okay?”

Dongwoon sighs, lack of sleep and too much adrenaline making him feel dizzy. He stares at the cars passing by for a long time before sighing again.


Doojoon grins and doesn’t let go of Dongwoon’s hand until they’re on the plane and sky high.


They don’t come back but they do hear news about Hyungseung’s escape. Yoseob’s pictures are on newspapers everywhere when he leaves the apartment to only flip off locals and steal candy from the stores. They don’t ever hear news about what happened to Junhyung or Kikwang or if they ever even left.

Eventually, the city becomes a part of them and Dongwoon learns to live with memories. They pretend to be normal outside their house, but inside, Doojoon smirks, kisses Dongwoon right where it feels good, and makes a million promises.

“We’ll go back,” he says, touches Dongwoon everywhere and nowhere at the same time, “We will.”

They don’t.



± unresolved ending unresovled. /welcomes the bricks thrown at her. i feel really out of sync with everything creative and this fic was aggravating but satisfying. i have this weird fascination with utopias and dystopias, idek y, and i know not everyone else does too, so if this felt farfetched and creepy, i won't cry into your space, i promise. ;_________________;
± i want to dedicate this to
[info]cindy because she is magical and i love her. ♥
± and lol okay laugh if you will at my pathetic attempt at smut. /cries. i honestly don't even know what possessed me to just stick in dirty sex like that. /dies slowly.
Tags: b: beast, g: angst, p: dongwoon/doojoon, r: nc-17
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